Transform Your Mind and Relationships: Patanjali’s Four Keys to Peace
The Heart of the Yoga Sutras: Why Patanjali Begins with Compassion
“By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, copmassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.”
—Yoga Sutra 1.33
In the Yoga Sutras, before offering breath-work, postures, or meditation techniques, Patanjali begins with something startlingly simple and deeply human: relationships.
Rather than telling us to isolate ourselves in a remote cave or retreat into spiritual solitude, he encourages us to begin our inner journey by cultivating awareness of our attitudes toward others. In Sutra I.33, Patanjali outlines four foundational qualities of the heart, called the brahmavihāras, as a prerequisite for calming the mind and cultivating lasting inner peace. These are:
Maitri: Friendliness toward the joyful
Karuṇā: Compassion toward the suffering
Muditā: Delight in the virtues of others
Upekṣā: Equanimity toward the faults of others
These four qualities aren’t just spiritual ideals; they’re practical tools for dismantling the mental unrest that often arises from interpersonal friction. According to Patanjali, if we can live by these four attitudes, many of our other inner obstacles will naturally begin to dissolve.
1. Friendliness Toward the Joyful (Maitri)
This may sound easy, being friendly toward those who are already kind to us. But friendliness as a spiritual practice goes deeper than that. It means extending goodwill to others in everyday life—in line at the grocery store, in a frustrating email exchange, or during a tense family dinner.
Offering friendliness doesn’t just benefit others; it softens our own inner reactivity. It smooths the rough edges of defensiveness and gradually thins the ego’s barrier of separation. When we practice friendliness, we’re not just being “nice,” we’re training ourselves in non-resistance and opening the heart.
Practice: In your next interaction, consciously adopt a friendly tone and see what shifts.
2. Compassion for the Suffering (Karunā)
Many of us are surrounded by suffering, yet we’ve become desensitized to it, or feel powerless in the face of it. The second brahmavihāra, compassion, invites us to reverse this numbness.
Compassion is not about fixing or rescuing. It’s about recognizing suffering and responding with care. This might be through a small action, like offering a meal or sending a supportive message, or even through internal gestures, such as silently wishing someone peace.
Compassion also invites us to reflect on shared suffering. When we feel isolated in our pain—loneliness, anxiety, grief—we can remember that thousands of others are feeling the same thing right now. This doesn’t diminish our suffering. Rather, it connects us more deeply to the human experience.
Reflect: When was the last time you allowed yourself to really feel someone else’s pain—not to take it on, but to honor it? How did it feel? Did it change anything for you, or for the other person?
3. Joy in the Goodness of Others (Muditā)
This third quality can be the trickiest, especially in a competitive, comparison-driven world.
Can we truly feel joy for another’s success, beauty, or happiness without envy?
Muditā asks us to celebrate others—not in a performative way, but with sincere gladness. It’s the antidote to jealousy and scarcity thinking. When we practice this, we rewire the mental pattern that says someone else’s gain is our loss.
Celebrating others reinforces our sense of abundance and connection. It also encourages us to focus on the divinity in each person, even when their personality rubs us the wrong way. In this way, we train ourselves to see beyond the surface and into the essence.
Practice: The next time someone shares good news, respond with full-hearted enthusiasm—no holding back.
4. Equanimity Toward the Faults of Others (Upekṣā)
This final quality is the most advanced. It’s easy to love those who love us. But how do we deal with those who trigger us, harm us, or behave in ways we don’t understand?
Patanjali doesn’t tell us to love them outright. Instead, he wisely suggests detachment. This isn’t “coldness,” but a kind of clear-eyed, non-reactive presence. We acknowledge the faults of others without clinging to resentment, judgment, or a desire to control.
This doesn’t mean we condone harmful behavior or remain in unsafe relationships. It means we drop the inner drama, the looping mental stories that keep us bound to anger and pain.
Equanimity asks: Can you let go? Can you release the story?
Reflect: What do I gain from holding onto resentment? What might open up if I let it go?
Why These Four Attitudes Matter for Inner Peace
In many spiritual traditions, real growth is measured not by how well we meditate or how flexible we are in yoga, but by how we show up in relationships.
The brahmavihāras are more than nice ideas—they are essential mental attitudes that directly affect the state of our mind. Patanjali understood that if we’re constantly battling with judgment, envy, bitterness, and egoic tension in our relationships, no amount of breathwork or mantra is going to bring us peace.
These four keys are like the gatekeepers of tranquility. They dissolve the “me vs. them” worldview that feeds most of our internal noise. When we live from these attitudes, the mind naturally quiets. The heart softens. And spiritual practice becomes not just something we do on the mat, but something we live in every moment.
How to Practice the Four Brahmavihāras in Daily Life
Actionable ways to begin living these teachings today.
1. Friendliness in Action
Smile at a stranger.
Offer help to a coworker without being asked.
Text a friend and tell them you appreciate them.
Assume goodwill in your next interaction, even if it’s tense.
2. Compassion in Motion
When you feel upset, remember: you’re not alone. Send a silent wish for peace to all who are feeling the same.
Offer small gestures: a home-cooked meal, a listening ear, a note of encouragement.
Volunteer your time or skills where they are needed most.
Practice loving-kindness meditation (start with yourself, then expand outward).
3. Celebrate Others
Compliment someone with no expectation in return.
When envy arises, notice it without judgment—and shift your focus to appreciation.
Keep a gratitude journal specifically for things you admire in others.
Surround yourself with people who uplift you—and return the favor.
4. Cultivate Equanimity
Pause before reacting to someone’s negative behavior.
Practice journaling or reflection instead of venting.
Visualize releasing the person or situation that’s been occupying your mind.
Repeat a mantra like, “I release what I cannot control.”
Embodying the Brahmavihāras: A Path to Peaceful Living and Loving Connection
The four brahmavihāras are not abstract ideals; they’re daily practices that can radically shift your inner world. Start with what’s easiest. Be patient. And let the ripple effects unfold, transforming not only your mind, but every relationship you touch.